True Adventures of Riverboat Randy & Apple 'Apps' Aimee

While floating along the Mighty Columbia one sunny Saturday near Lake Entiat, Riverboat Randy said to Apple Aimee, "Hey Apps, is it true that if I ate some turkey right now my system would be filled wid dem endolphins?"

That's right RR, Dem endolphins kills dem doldrums in yer system and makes you feel chipper.

"U mean dem Dems are feeding their con-sticht-chancy a bunchcha feel-good things to keep Dem votes?"

U-betcha, Apps channeled her best Sarah Palin in response.

Just then Randy had an epiphany, something he often does when conversing with Apple Aimee, as she has always been smarter than he: "That must be why all Dem folks in Seattle are always so darn happy 'cause they got lotsa of dem endolphins swimming in that Putrid Sound.

"You betcha Apps. Speakin' of putrid, I sent the Precedent a letter about Dem folks in Olympia takin' my tax and usin' it fer Dem whales, but I never did get a response."

Of course not silly RR. You dun spelt Prezdent wrong. He probly neva got it.

"Well Apps, maybe you & I should float that way & scare some of Dem whales so they go south or north where Dem Canadian Socialists or Dem Oregon Socialists can deal wid dem?"

Why bother RR. You kno all dem folks over dat way will just pass another law sayin' we gots to feed dem whales special Washin-ton food so's day stay here and keep dem greenie folks happy.

"What you mean by 'special Washin-ton food' Apps?"

RR - now you bein' silly. If we feed dem whales edible mary jane then day be happy and dat means day would stay.

"But Apps, it would take the entire crop of the entire country to satisfy dem whale-lovin' folks cause you kno day gots dat big hunger to use up tax money."

You right Baby Boy and besides dat, we gots all dem dam Dems on dem  x-clusiv river commune-ities & ain't no way we getting to the coast anyways.

"Does ya mean dam Dems or dem dams?"

Ain't no matta what you call 'em, just watch your wallet cause day be actin' like drunken sailors in Bangkok on pay day.

"Apps it ain't nice to badmouth sailors that way by comparin' the two. Sailors in Bangkok have far more integrity den wastin' money on whales, even on payday."

Being an enterprising couple, Apps and RR figured out a way to get television shows while floating on the river using heavy duty foil tied to the mast as a receiver. That's when day heard a sportscaster say somethin' even day thought was a bit off kilter.

"Apps, dat talkin' head former jock said he saw a show on TV and it was called Law & Order: SUV."

I guess it must be a show about bad guys bein' chased by cops in SUVs?

"Well Apps, I think itsa bout crimes committed while in SUVs."

You mean like murder, rape, extortion, hacking and bad stuff like dat?

"No Apps, I mean really bad crimes like figurin' out the next project dats gonna suck-up our tax dollars once dem Dems save the whales."

You be right RR, we should devote some serious face time to decipherin' the smoke signals from the WestSide.

"Smoke is the right word Apps. Dem folks probly smoke up a storm at some all night soiree decidin' to save some other critters and not just whales."

Well RR, said Apps sarcastically, we could always use lotsa more bears and cougars roamin' the woods in North Central Washington.

"Don't forget the wolves."

Look on the bright side RR, at least dem Dems hadn't yet figured out how to put feet on dem whales in dat Putrid Sound and herd dem this-away.

"True dat, Apps, true dat."