Thursday, March 28, 2024

Coronavirus morphs in Germany, Canada, England

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This columnist has it on good authority that the Coronavirus has changed shape and reappeared in Germany, Canada and England. In Germany it is StPauliGirlvirus, in England, GuinessStoutvirus and in Canada, Molsonvirus.
I also know for a fact that the folks in Mexico who make Corona have tried to bribe Chinese and World Health Organization officials, offering millions of free beers, if only those entities would rename the pandemic Budweiservirus.
Mexican beer barons are not commenting on this report, but one guy outside of a bar in the barrios of Tijuana stated matter of factly, ¿Donde esta problema?  (Where's the problem?).
We may never know where the problem is, but remember, this reporter sounded the alarm of "two bugs" causing America to fall months ago in another Apples to Apples column. One of those bugs was a cyberbug and the other biological. Well, the Chinese have accomplished step 2 of this dastardly plan to destroy us (read U.S.) by letting this scourge of mankind loose.
The next attack will be the cyberbug system killers. American labor will see a huge surge in young, healthy teenagers actually leaving their mother's basement and getting work flipping burgers and bagging groceries because the cyberbug has infected their Xbox. It will also worm its way into FaceBook, YouTube, LinkedIn, Instagram and the latest iteration of Fox and Fiends.
Twitter had to close our president's account because everytime he sent a new Tweet the system would automatically add … "and Mexico will pay for it."
Mexican authorities, in a news conference held near the only working escalator in Mexico City stated, "We are no longer allowing American tourists to visit Puerta Villarta on the Love Boat because they are gamblers, smokers, drinkers and in many cases philanderers."
President Trump agreed saying, "so?"
Back to the end of the world as we know it. After the two bugs combine to tear our democratic life asunder, the coup de grass will be the North Koreans exploding an Electro Magnetic Pulse (EMP) blast over every so-called sanctuary city and state (like Gov. Inslee wants for Washington).
The clever-thinking Asians are playing top tier 3-D chess while we are still learning the rudimentaries of checkers. They know that by destroying all computers in the sanctuary cities, all the undocumented folks will stampede back across the border because their cell phones, Ipads and money transfers don't work anymore. This will cause economic chaos in the U.S. and every nation to the south.
No one will be left to harvest real food. Those healthy teens I mentioned earlier are only good for a few hours a day of gathering shopping carts while pining their lives away for Bernie to become the bossman and give them all the candy and vape products they ever wanted (but they didn't register to vote because they were too busy choosing a free college to attend).
The Chinese, North Koreans and Russians know the value of sacrifice and hard work because they watch American television and pray everyday they will never end up like some of those abnormal families portrayed on same. It makes them work and work and work to avoid becoming effeminate couch potatoes with hands as soft as a baby's butt, gender not yet self-identified.
Besides, figuring out what bugs to use on us (read U.S.) has become a sort of sporting event in the inner circles of the Communist bureaucracy they call R&D (research and development).
Even those bearded cigar-smoking Commies in Cuba have joined in. The machines that are used to transfer millions of dollars a week from Floridian-based Cubans to Havana are automatically adding in an extra surcharge of $25 so each Havana-based Cuban can get a free subscription to Hulu and a case of Modelo Negra.
Enough already with the happy news to come, just remember to ventilate your bunker, clean your guns and stock-up on ammunition, medical marijuana and Twinkies. You'll be happy you did.
Gary Bégin’s opinions are not the official views of NCW Media. To reach him email: gary@ncwmedia.net. Any email is subjected to publication as a “letter to the editor” unless explicitly requested not to do so.

 

 

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