Make room on the dance floor, let’s (Third World) P-a-r-t-y!

The delusional is no longer marginal
Last week I shared with my reader(s?) our new status as a Third World Banana Republic and the hidden financial windfall therein for those here in the strategically located North Central Washington who act quickly to get in on the ground floor.
Now it is time we get down to the serious business of defining the parameters of this phantom menace, give it a name, and determine just who qualifies for membership in its ranks of the disillusioned.
There is an urgent need to coin a cognomen for this new political movement before the critics, pundits, and the media get too far afield with labels like “insurrectionists,” “traitors,” “seditionists,” and other unflattering descriptions for those who view themselves as “patriots” (emphasis here on “riots”).
Last week I offered a year’s paid subscription to the reader who divined the best name for our new Third World Party. After sorting through the uncountable number of replies – the most prolific response in human history, I might add – I am excited to announce that we have settled on the perfect name (the most perfect party name in all human history, of course).
The party name was there right in front of me all this time. The outgoing president, who has recently become the real-life “He Who Must Not Be Named” since the D.C. debacle, invokes the comparison to the fictional Lord Voldermort in the Harry Potter series. So, his followers are the Slytherins.
So, we now have the Demolitions, Repellicans, and Slytherins.
Just who exactly can lay claim to status as a bonafide Slytherin? Following are just some examples: 
• If your nickname – or real name – is “Bubba”, you’re in.
• If you know all the words to the song “Gomer’s Got A Gun*”, you’re in.
(Hint – here are the first two lines)
“Gomer’s got a gun (repeat)
Whole world’s come undone…”
•  *If you used that gun to intimidate your friends and neighbors who participated in the “Black Lives Matter” march last June in Omak, you’re not only in, you are also a Platinum member.
•  If you handle poisonous vipers as part of your religious rites, you’re in.
•  If one or more of your multiple wives is under 16 years of age, you’re in.
• If you earned your higher education credentials** from either Trump University or FOX News, you’re in.
•  **If you claim credentials from both, you’re not only in, you are potential Board of Trustees material.
•  If you can wapidly say “Wiled up and Weady to Wid Washington of Wascal Wadicals” three times, you’re in at a discounted membership wate.
•  If you believe “denial” is a river in Egypt, you’re in.
•  If you cannot spell “boob” backward, you’re in.
•  If the word “ditto” is tattooed anywhere on your head, you’re in.
You get the idea.
Fair disclosure: I must acknowledge that some members of my own family and more than a few friends and acquaintances meet one or more Slytherin qualifications. 
Protocols
•  Party leadership is in proportion to caliber size. 
• Meetings are tentatively scheduled monthly at selected state capitols. Watch for the smoke to guide you to the specific spot. As the late Lawrence Welk often said: “Be sure and not to miss it, if you can.”
•  Clubs are still in the organizational stage and at this writing can get a little rowdy since Groucho Marx rules apply, to wit: “I’m going to join a club and hit you over the head with it!”
• Website? No, but lots of gun sights.
•  Group motto: “We aim to please - but our aim is improving.”
Party on!
All Good Medicine, citizens
 
 
 
 
 

 

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