What ever happened to 'Joe Smith'?


Words and names do mean something, but I'm not sure exactly what. Let the psychologists figure it all out, but to me it spells diversity and that diversity has been with us for at least the last decade, perhaps since America's inception.

Here are some musings and rants I carried into the new year like a bad case of the mental yips:
• Take the current roster of NFL players and look at the "old school" days when we had famous folks with easily recognizable names and products.

One of the toughest players in the NFL today is a fellow named Ndamukong Ngwa Suh (Los Angeles Rams), in the old school days we had Johnny Cash's A Boy Named Sue. A worthless analogy, but I'll continue anyway.

• On the Seattle Seahawks we have Barkevious Mingo. When I was a kid we had Ming the Merciless in the Flash Gordon movies and television show. Or maybe it was Annette Funicello in Beach Blanket Bingo? I get confused. (Am I thinking of Mungo Jerry?)

• Why not cross breed brown colored poodles with chocolate labradors and charge about $2,000 each for the offspring? The higher the cost the greater the snob appeal, eh? I would hope they come out as brown colored and hence the double entendre of "snickerdoodle."
It's a goal meant for those who have little to live for and even less to do:  "Snickerdoodle" just like the food concoction. I got the idea after seeing the penny saver ads for puppies called labradoodles. They are pricey.

Ok, maybe I am out in front of my skis with that one.

• Then we have the unfortunate case of former gangster actor Ray Liotta. He is doing anti-smoking commercials, but apparently forgot to tell the folks that hired him that he can hardly speak coherently. It is painful to listen to this formerly glib actor tell the camera, "I ... don't ... like to have ... any ... thing control ... my ... life. 

An hour and lifetime later in the same commercial he is shown sprinkling cheese on some lady's salad. Hope they know each other.   Perhaps the "nose candy" addict he portrayed in Goodfellas finally destroyed his ability to form sentences longer than 2 words.

• In case the general public thinks people get paid based on their brain power, consider this: I once worked for a publisher in Nevada who thought Saskatchewan was the name of the lady on the new dollar coin.

She also used the phrase "cyst and deceased" instead of "cease and desist." I kid you not. Her job in life before running the newspaper was selling novelty advertising items like coffee cups, pens and hats with "your company logo" on them. Giveaway junk that someone learned in marketing 101, but is still being used by thousands of companies out there, especially at trade shows and seminars.

I admit to having a room full of such worthless bling.

• I met and worked for another fine lady publisher who ran her own little "newspaper" in Colorado who kept telling me that her husband was 6'6" and 250 pounds. To this day I still don't understand what that had to do with working for her as a reporter. Perhaps she wanted me to know that if my vocabulary wasn't to her liking she'd have him tackle me?

Maybe it was a Grand Junction thing?

Life is full of mysteries.

• By the way, I actually did previously work with a guy named Joe Smith back in my postal service days. He was self-admittedly, dumb as a bag of rocks, but he was also a tall handsome blue-eyed, blond-haired Swedish-American built like Arnold. He called himself the Swedish Oak in honor of Schwarzenegger, who was the Austrian Oak.

He was exactly what the ladies loved and I'm sure still do.

In the words of that great Canadian Red Green, "If the ladies don't find you handsome, at least let them find you handy."

As a point of introspection, I must be somewhere in between.

• Finally, I know several wonderful and well meaning people who have worthless college degrees. If you are paying your kid's tuition then you ought to have a right to counsel them on what to major in.

For their sake and your own pocketbook, don't let them major in any of the so-called "social sciences" that are less scientific as opposed  to social. It's even worse now that we have social media.

Paraphrasing Willie Nelson who sings, "mommas don't let your babies grow up to be social workers, let them be doctors and lawyers and such."

• And yes Donald, I still want to see your tax returns. Fess up or resign, I've had enough of your Slick Willie routine.  

Hope your 2019 is all you make it to be.

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